Dear Anonymous Commenter:
Thank
you for your honesty and candor. I realize the opinions you expressed are real
and I honestly can see your point of view. You are clearly a regular reader of
this blog and so you know that I do not hold back a lot of what I am thinking
and/or feeling. Please allow me to explain my point of view with the same
candor as you shared yours. (Also be assured that this will be the last you
hear of this from me. I will not discuss this with others as I am not sure who
you are, and you are clearly someone who knows me well).
To
start, I would like to apologize to you and anyone who may share your feelings that
you feel my blog has been an attempt to seek pity, sympathy or financial help.
It has certainly not been meant to be so. I certainly do not remember having
ever posted asking for someone to send me money, to feel sorry for me or to
dwell on our family’s circumstance.
I
started my blog in 2007 as a way to share stories and pictures with family
members who are miles away and may be interested in the on-goings of our
household. As of late, (as in the last year or so) it has turned into more of
an emotional outlet where I have been able to sort through my feelings and
therefore have used it as a source of healing.
Since I am
not convinced that my initial reasoning for starting my blog even exist, I will
be changing this blog to a private status for my eyes only. I still find writing to be therapeutic and I
choose to continue to use my blog as an online journal. I realize that you know
my family and details of our circumstances and so I will not attempt to sort
through who may or may not be offended by my emotional posts. I will leave this
post for a week or so before I change the status as to give you a chance to
find and read this.
Please
be assured of these three things. (I also posted these on Facebook in case you
check that more often than Blogger):
- #1 we have repeatedly
been humbled and in awe at the way family, friends, and community have
reached out to us in the last year. It has been a humbling experience and
hasn't necessarily been easy to be on the receiving end of service and
financial support.
- #2 we've never asked for or solicited any
of the fundraising efforts. Those who have taken the initiative to
organize a fundraiser in our behalf humble us. Those who have quietly
supported us outside fundraising events humble us. We hope all those who
have done either, know that their efforts are greatly appreciated. I
understand how it may be confusing considering many blogs concerning
fundraising have been posted on the dadnamedjosh blog by one of my dearest
friends who shares the same name as I. Her profile/username happens to be
kristin and mine is joshandkristen. Our individual posts show our
profile/usernames respectively. To avoid further confusion, I will no
longer post to the dadnamedjosh blog.
- #3 to our
knowledge we haven't "done" anything to cause Josh's GBM cancer
or my Multiple Sclerosis. We have each actually been diagnosed and see
specialists at the University of Utah and Huntsman Cancer Institute.
We are not perfect and while our diseases may be punishment, I hope that
they have been given to us as a chance for us to draw closer to our
Savior.
We have not used our trials as an excuse to
use the good will of others. With the exception of my immediate family and
closest friends, I have tried to not ask for help in any respect. It is hard
enough to accept help when it is offered. It is very hard to recognize that I
cannot do it all on my own, but let me be the first to admit that I know I cannot.
Please accept
my sincere apologies for what appears to be an abuse of the good nature and
kindness of others. I recognize that we have used more than our quota of
goodwill and will keep that in mind as this time during our health trials
continues.
Sincerely,
Kristen
To anyone who may be concerned by this letter:
I am
really ok. I have had the night to sleep on this information and I realize that
it’s ok. We went to the temple last night and I was left with the peace found
there before I read the comment that led to this post. This morning, I have
found comfort in the words of a song by Laura Story called “Blessings”
“We pray for blessings. We
pray for peace; comfort for family, protection while we sleep. We pray for
healing, for prosperity. We pray for your mighty hand to ease our suffering.
All the while you hear each spoken need, yet love us way too much to give us
lesser things. What if your blessings come through raindrops? What if your
healing comes through tears? What if a thousand sleepless nights are what it
takes to know you’re near. What if trials of this life are your mercies in
disguise?... When friends betray us, when darkness seems to win we know, the
pain reminds this heart that this is not, this is not our home…. What if my greatest disappointments or the
aching of this life is the revealing of a greater thirst this world can’t
satisfy? What if trials of this life the rain, the storms, the hardest nights,
are your mercies in disguise?”
