Eight and a few, uh... months.

Today I realized that I have still NEVER posted about Kimball's eighth birthday and baptism. Actually, I have started this blog and never posted it, adding to it now and then, but never finishing. Since his birthday was over two months ago, I am going to give it a solid effort tonight.
When I look at my biggest little man:
I can still see the baby I held in my arms eight years ago. It kinda hurts-- in a good way, I guess. Because you want them to grow, right? I was not convinced that anyone, anywhere could love a sweet little baby as much as I loved that smiley baby. (Yes, he was a smiley newborn. No, it wasn't gas, people. Do you know Kimball? Enough said!)
I can see a creative thinker who loves to write stories and draw pictures to fill a notebook.
I can see a interest and talent in music. He loves to play the guitar and piano, and sings too.
I can see a smart and bright student. He loves school, learning, and the routine of it all.
I can see a tender heart who carries such a heavy burden, but who doesn't let it weigh him down.
I can see a caring brother who, while growing into bigger-boy toys, interests, hobbies etc. is still good enough to play and entertain younger brothers.
If I continue to share all that I see and love in Kimball, I the list could be endless! Suffice it to say that he has a likable, tenacious, personality and I have recognized that he was sent to our family first with a purpose.
He was so excited about his eighth birthday, and changed his mind about the potential birthday theme daily. We were never exactly sure what he was going to be coming up with next. He went from Super Mario Brothers and Tron to the Golden Plates and Prophets and Jesus (it was his eighth birthday, after all).  He ended up choosing a movie night with friends at the drive-in and then a Mario party at Grammy's. (And to avoid sacreligion, we convinced him that we could make a Book of Mormon cake for his baptism luncheon, and that seemed to help narrow the choices.)

Dressed as Mario (he should play the part right?) opening Mario clothes!

Mario's Music Maker

His baptism followed shortly, and we were so lucky to have so many family and friends come support Kimball. 

He was also able to share his special day with Aunt Emily's birthday! Part of me still can't believe that I have a little man old enough to make the decision to be baptized. I am so proud of him. I was asked to speak about the gift of the Holy Ghost, and it was a tender moment for me. I felt privileged to be able to share my testimony and some personal experiences before he was confirmed. The truth is, the feelings I had that day were sacred. I felt blessed. Present life conditions seemed irrelevant. My baby boy is not so much a baby, but my heart was full the way it was when I first saw him. I love you Kimball! Thank you for being who you are. 

On my mind...

New blog post! Click here!

Life is an Adventure: Helping and Healing

Just to spread the word: I started a new blog: click here: Life is an Adventure. Check it out and you won't be disappointed. (Especially if you have been affected by cancer in one way or another.) 

This is what I posted:

I am starting this blog in honor of my good friend Josh Graham.  I want to promote a 5K run/walk in his honor. He was my bishop, my boss and most importantly a friend (like an older brother).

I looked up to the advice he was always willing to give and inspired by is unwavering faith and positive outlook on life. I admired the way he spoke of his sweet wife and children. I admired his ambition and perseverance.

(By the way, just as some little fun facst: his oldest son, Keaton has turned into more than just his father's son. It makes me feel nostalgic to watch Keaton's personality, features, and passion for life. Christian carries his moral and sense of righteousness that he so gently teaches my own sons, and Celesta carries her father's love for the Lord. Lizzy, well, they don't get much cuter than that and that sweet two-year-old knows that her daddy is with Jesus. What an amazing knowledge for such a young baby. It says a lot about their mother, right?)

Even after a complicated cancer diagnosis, he was willing to offer his time and talents to the Lord as a bishop. His time was relatively short but had a huge impact on the members of the Vernal 9^th Ward. He gave his every energy to the Church and magnified his calling.

This man was outstanding in the community as he worked as the director for the Can Do Crew teaching and training those with special needs to develop the skills they need in order to find opportunities to contribute and work in the community. Two years after his passing, the members of the crew still love Josh and affectionately refer to him as “Boss.” They watch down the street where his sweet family lives to look for his truck and to just remember and hold on to the relationships they had developed with him.

His motto as he began his journey with cancer was “Life is an Adventure.”

That passion and spirit is being spread to others through scholarship opportunities offered in the “Life is an Adventure 5K run/walk.”

This year is the second annual event and will be held at a larger scale with sponsors and the Utah State University Extension here in the basin to enable new adventures to those just embarking on them.

The not-for-profit event is being held in Josh’s memory during the month of his birthday. The event last year was healing and inspiring to say the least.

To the many of you who have experienced the devastating diagnosis of cancer through a family member or friend, I promise that this event is an opportunity to turn a challenge into a blessing. It is an event for the whole family that gives back to the community in a way that is unique from other events.

The preceding words are not in vain. They are from personal experience, and I want to reiterate with all sincerity that I know Josh is watching over and pleased with what is being done in his honor. He truly believed that our lives were each their own adventure and that we should take whatever came our way and face it head on with the attitude that it was just that: an adventure. A new opportunity to learn and grow and experience something new in life: something to draw us closer to our friends, family and Heavenly Father.

This year the event is much more ambitious than last year, and we plan to start a committee to help with the particulars. If you are interested in helping in any way, please contact me at jbaumgarten@ubtanet.com.

So many of you have asked what you can do for us in our particular situation. (Which I hope you don't take in the wrong way, I am certainly not trying to exploit our own trials, only trying to express my sincerity.) Right now, this is my passion. This is what I want help with. I want this event to be successful to help someone new embrace life’s adventure through education.

Life really is and adventure.

Helping.

Healing.

P.S. You can register for the event at:

http://www.active.com/page/event_details.htm?event_id=1957691

For Wes, Lori, Lucy, & Spencer: We love you!

I am not sure what is best. Recently my favorite is Perfect Peace. However, Held and The Healer have been, right there at the top pretty consistently...

• Perfect Peace
• Held
• The Healer

We love you.

Kristen and Josh

Let the colors shine...

RED: Heartiness and Valor

WHITE: Purity and Innocence 

 BLUE: Vigilance, Perseverance, & Justice

Given that I just posted a crazy long, DTR blogging blog... I feel all selfish in that I didn't mention one of the greatest holidays of the year!! The chance to celebrate our freedoms and to honor those who have made it possible, and to remember to elect those who will hold our country with the same esteem and honor that it deserves to be the great and wonderful place that it is.

"I pledge allegiance to the flag of the United States of America: And to the republic for which it stands, one nation, under God, indivisible with liberty and justice for all."

Here's hoping that we teach our children the values and principles that our country were established upon. Here is hoping that our children recognize the blessing and privilege we have to live in a country that has protected and secured by the blood of our nation's heroes. Here's hoping our children KNOW the pledge of allegiance and the National Anthem, that they aren't among those who become the punchline during Jay Leno's Jay-Walking when it comes to feeling a patriotism and loyalty to our God-given county. Let them be among these young Lubbock, TX girls (like 4-9, at this performance, I think) who have been taught and sing with deserving respect and emotion: The Star Spangled Banner. 

Sit, "DTR" with blogging

The setting: usual late night sleeplessness, resolved by a therapeutic purging-if you will, the more upbeat and mainstream posts on day-to-day family life that ironically unmask my mothering failings, the point-by-point laying out the information as purely update...emotion-spared progress reports on Josh. Here I sit at 3:00 am in the morning wondering what is the next step? Where do I go with this?

Can you still feel your heart choking your throat as the "DTR" (Determine The Relationship talk) comes out in any relationship? Isn't it easier to just put it off and put it off and hope that nothing will solve something. Apparently it doesn't. It didn't really work in college and I guess it doesn't really work blogging. So... let's lay it all out there. Here's what I need to blog about:

• Kimball's birthday and baptism have been very neglected at my procrastination. It is a somewhat emotional series of events that I struggle to edit the emotion.
• The Relay for Life isn't much work on my part, but I have had several requests for the talk that Josh and I worked on together to give during the Luminarie Ceremony. I gotta be honest. The whole FOCUS on the cancer is really hard for me. I must be looking from the wrong angle. 
• My boys just had their first experience setting up a lemonade stand. They are doing it in an effort to raise money for souvenirs in Yellowstone. We plan to go on vacation to Jackson Hole, and from there Yellowstone, and then to our family reunion. They are thrilled, to say the least. I mean, days-countdown was not good enough, people. One child, to remain nameless-- haha, insists that he needs to know how many more hours until we go because then he will know what time to wake up. In a week. From today. Yes. Seven days from today. 
• Benson told me tonight that he just wishes I would call him Harry (as in Harry Potter). Yes people, this has been going on for 18 months. I am not exactly sure if I should embrace it or ignore it. Thus far, neither method has kept me from searching every crevice of our house for wands. He also wants me to color his hair black-i-er (term he used) because Harry's is black-i-er. 
• Josh has had plenty of downs, ups, downs, and back up agains in the last few weeks. I assume that may be of considerable interest to those tracking his progress with Glioblastoma Multiforme. Blasted disease makes me crazy. It's like the naughty step-child that acts alright and then decides he's gone a little too long without stirring up drama/pain/confusion.
• And for your laughter: I feel flat on my face in the middle of the street in Park City, and then tonight I honestly had a brain cramp and couldn't remember what I was supposed to do at a green light. Someone had to honk, not just once, but twice to get me to go. Sorry people.                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                              
• Need I say more than a much neglected SMACK at my iron chef competitors. Just remember the first impression is the one that lasts.... and it's gonna be a good one!

The worse part about "Determine the Relationship" talks is that you have to be completely honest with your self and the conversation reveals the things you find are lacking or opposingly going well. Well, I guess since I have been a little sensitive about my blog, recently, I am not exactly sure what to focus my energies on.

Let 'em all out. I have taken Prendisone so as to avoid the adverse side effects to my weekly MS treatment. I am still awake at 3:00 in the morning listening to YouTube versions of inspirational songs, and I feel the need to DTR with this thing. As readers, I hope you take part in this awkward part of my blogger relationship. Lay it all out as was before... sweet and simple synapses... the kids... life... updates on health... midnight ramblings to ease my mind? The songs that heal my heart and strengthen may faith? Maybe that is annoying because you could look them up if you wanted too? What is it that brings you to my blog in the first place? 

Ok... actually, regarding that last question. Let's just name the big elephant in the room. It's the picture of my kids in my heading, right??? Come on, I know it is. That's what I stare at for a good several minutes before doing anything on blogger.

Well, if you have read this much of my extremely-oh-so-early ramblings, I guess you should have something to watch. If you are interested, that is. A recent seminary song has been running through my head and I had to find it. Bless YouTube for it's wide variety of all-out-crazy-verging-on-rediculous and then its just-what-I needed-to-find-just-this-very-second-mind-boggling-abilities. Really? Can something be so insanely vast? Apparently.

Here are two healing my broken heart. Which do you like best?

Come to Jesus... (Can you see how even President Hinckley's heart was breaking. It healed. There is always hope.)
My Soul Hungered...(Whose hasn't during times of trial, and lets be honest: we all have them)

I guess I am still struggling with what to do with this blog. It shouldn't matter what other's think. I have heard your comments about not letting that affect what I write. But it makes me feel more guarded which keeps me from doing the kind of writing that is therapeutic for me. It makes me feel guarded about what I say about my kids. It makes me worry about what kind of pictures I can post. I have had many ask that I not go private, many tell me that is an opportunity to share my testimony of the Savior.

From that perspective, I want to continue to blog. I want to share our experiences in the hope that it will somehow benefit someone else. The other side of the coin is that I am somewhat of an open book. I don't feel like I have anything to hide. Part of that comes because I don't want to falsely profess perfection that is clearly not there. I would rather tell life like it is. I would rather my posting be honest and real. So... maybe that gets annoying. I am not really sure.

Clearly, this DTR is way overdue.

My men...