Me? Well, I am the emotional roller-coaster that is what you would expect of a pregnant woman. Not only that, but I am sensitive and kind of emotional anyway. (Hahaha. I say that, and I can only imagine what some of you are probably thinking, "Yup, you can say that again," or "Ya, you're emotional." Chances are, if you know me at all, you have seen or experienced or heard about it.) It's true. I wear my emotions on my sleeve.
With everything that has been going on, I have tried VERY hard to stay in control. I pray for the strength I need to keep it together because I don't want my kids to think that I am going crazy. I see how concerned they are when I do cry, and the worry on their faces makes me panic. But, I am still a wide range of emotions at any point throughout the day. Sometimes I am numb. Sometimes I am fine, I am at peace and alright. Sometimes I am scared, worried, stressed, mad, etc.
Most importantly, sometimes I have these moments that I recognize as tender mercies from the Lord. Moments when I can literally feel my Heavenly Father's love for us. His concern for our situation and His desire to let us know that He is there for us. That is why I am posting this. I wanted to be able to come back myself and re-read this. I don't want to forget it. I don't want to forget the feeling.
So, the background: We went to my parent's stake conference on Sunday because we knew my dad was going to be released as stake president. (Weird that the weekend he was called was the weekend Josh and I met-- nine years ago). Anyway, we wanted to be there to support him. Turns out that we totally benefited from being there, hearing the testimonies born, and listening to the talks given by the general authorities assigned to re-organize the stake. Mostly, I was given a completely new perspective on the opening hymn. It set the mood for the following two hours. Guess I never really paid attention to the lyrics. Funny how there are moments in our lives when we hear something that we have known and heard dozens, maybe even hundreds of times but for some reason, at the very moment you need it... you get it. The light turns on and you see (or hear) for the first time the message that is meant to come across. Or, I guess maybe it's just the message you need at that point. This must have been what we needed. The words were so strong, so poignant, so completely and directly speaking to us.
How Firm a Foundation
How firm a foundation, ye Saints of the Lord.
Is laid for your faith in his excellent word!
What more can he say than to you he hath said,
Who unto the Savior, who unto the Savior,
Who unto the Savior for refuge have fled?
In every condition-- in sickness, in health,
In poverty's vale or abounding in wealth,
At home or abroad on the land or the sea--
As thy days may demand, as thy days may demand,
As thy days may demand, so thy succor shall be.
Fear not, I am with thee; oh, be not dismayed,
For I am thy God and will still give thee aid.
I'll strengthen thee, help thee, and cause thee to stand--
Upheld by my righteous, upheld by my righteous,
Upheld by my righteous, omnipotent hand.
14 comments:
one of my all time favorite hymns! I had a similar experience with this hymn last summer when I was a single mother of three for 4 months while Ryan was gone. We had no money, the kids were well, kids. I was alone and bored and stressed and lonely, and had to carry a lot of burdens alone. I would sing thing song over and over and know that things would work out.
Hang in there dude. love you.
I really love those moments when I know that I was guided to go somewhere and I receive the message I need. Sometimes, too easily, I forget that there is a loving Father who knows me and what I need. The Lord does know you and Josh and your needs and he will carry you through this. Love ya lots.
I won't pretend to understand, because I haven't been there...
But I HAVE had moments when I thought I was going to lose it and fall over the deep end and I know that without faith and a few little "special moments" similar to yours, I would have never survived.
Thank you for sharing you special moment.
That song is beautiful!
I'm glad Josh is feeling well!!
Amen, sister! In talking with Josh this AM on his morning commute to SLC, I was amazed at his attitude and the upbeat sound in his voice! We talked some about chemo/radiation,etc. but mostly about you, the baby, and pregnancy in general. One would never have thought that he was going through so much. That says a lot about your husband!
And what a special thing- that you all had the chance to attend your parents stake conference! Your dad is an amazing man, as is your mom! I hope Larry gets to meet them someday!
Thanks for sharing how the Spirit spoke to you through the words of one of the most amazing hymns. The Lord does hear us and answer us...maybe not when we want or exactly what we want, but He knows what is best and will sustain us through all things.
And don't worry how emotional you are,etc. First of all, I'd be going crazy!!!!!! Truly--I'm very emotional too! And second, any woman friend that I've shared your story with-- they are all shocked and just in awe at what the Lord must trust you with and has given you to bear. You truly are rubbing shoulders with those noble women you so admire in our pioneer heritage, Kristen!
All my love and prayers for you!
Oh Kristen. You are such a special, beautiful person. You are absolutely right about things meaning more when you need them most, like that hymn. I am astounded every day by your faith and Josh's eternal perspective.
I also want to say I have been BLOWN AWAY at your ability to keep going and do what you are doing. I know you are emotional(of course) but you have a glow, a mantel, a STRENGTH around you that I have never seen before this nightmare started. I look up to you so much and hope you always know I'm here for you.
I am glad that you are writing your feeling and experiences down. You have such a talent and way with words!! It is really a gift!
I know they will give you strength in the future, but they also inspire all of us who read them now! Heavenly Father really shows his love in so many ways!
So crazy,I remember your dad missing Ricks graduation because he was being called as Stake president the next day... those years have really flown by!
You and Josh both amaze me and I have never even met you guys before! It is wonderful to know that the Lord is ALWAYS there for us we just need to know how to look, see, feel, his part in our lives! Thanks for sharing such personal experiences. You're an inspiration to us all.
Kristen and Josh, I am amazed at you both. Josh has a glow and peace about him and Kristen you are doing AWESOME! You were so beautiful today at Subway. I was so proud to say you're mine!! I love that song. It was our theme for the trek a few years ago. I love you!
Hey Sis. Beautifully written!! god knew when he gave you the talent to write that you would someday need that talent to "Bear you up". I see a strength in you I've never seen before. Truly you have angel there on your right and on your left to bear you up! I love you...Keep writting! love mom
It was so great to see you @ Subway. Thinking about you so much!
Josh sent me the sweetest text the other day. You got a winner when you snagged him. You are both amazing! Wish I were there to hug more.
Kristen you are amazing! We think of you everyday, and wish we could somehow take all of this away. Your testimony is beautiful, I am so grateful that we have the gospel. I wish I could have come to Subway but couldn't make it over there that day. I just saw your pictures of Eliza on facebook, and she is beautiful!
We also sang that song at a church meeting a few weeks ago and the same realization hit me as well, so I cried when I read your post as it describes so closely my similar feelings. It is so true that if we focus our energies on activities and thoughts on things that will bring us closer to Christ, the Spirit envelopes us and carries us through. It erases our doubts and our fears and helps us trust in His plan. I love you! I think about you every day and pray for you every evening. You know you can call on us for anything, even the "little" stuff. It makes people feel good to be there for you. Love you guys! Can't wait to hold my new great-niece (man that sounds weird!). xoxo, Hope
Hmmm...I commented on this the other day, but it's not on here. Did you not APPROVE ME??? ;)
Anyway all I wanted to say was that it's amazing the tender mercies that appear in our lives when we are willing to turn to the Lord in our trials. I know He is aware of you and Josh and the boys (and now girl!), and that He is more than pleased at the faith you all have demonstrated. And on more than one occasion I have said a little prayer during sacramant meeting expressing gratitude for those talented, inspired people that came before us and penned the hymns. I wonder if they had any idea what a strength their words and music would be to those of us who sing them years after they've been gone?
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