A new one to love

I can't believe that Eliza is 12 days old and I am just barely blogging about her! I also know that so many of you have already seen a lot of the pictures that I have of her from the hospital, so I tried to pick some that were different. Feel free to skip over my ramblings and just look at the pictures of my oh-so-cute kids!

Eliza was born on Saturday, May 8 at 9:00 on the dot. As I am sure every mom feels when they see their baby for the first time, I was so overwhelmed with love and gratitude for her that I felt like she and I were the only two in the room. Anyone who has had a c-section knows how awkward it is being strapped to the table and trying to get a good look at your baby from across the room. It is kind of frustrating that you can't really hold your baby because you are being put back together, but like I said it felt for a few moments that she and I were the only ones in the room. I know there were nurses taking care of her, but I can't really remember even seeing them. Dr. Williams asked what we were naming her, and I was so happy to tell him Eliza Christine. Eliza, as you know is after Eliza R Snow, and means an oath, covenant or gift of God. Christine, is after my Grandpa Mac's mother Emma Christine, and means bearer or disciple of Christ. 

(Each of our kids have a family name and a name that is significant to the Church. We wanted their names to mean something and to be after people whom they could look up to and hopefully pattern their lives after. The boys names are: Joshua Kimball, John McKay, and Benson Mac)

Anyone who has ever tried to take pictures of my boys, know that this picture is typical. It is so hard to get them to look at the camera, hold still, and give you a decent smile. They were so excited to come see their baby sissy, and my mom got them these cute "Big Brother" hats. They were chewing on little pink bubble gum "cigars." Although, my mom didn't tell them they were cigars, (they wouldn't even know what that was anyway) she told them that when babies are born, people chew bubble gum!!! Haha! They were cute and loved their little treat from Grammy.

Eliza has been such a good baby and even though I have had a few bad nights here and there, I can't complain because she is such a sweet, sweet baby. When I hold her up to my chest she snuggles right into the same little spot on either side of my face and it melts my heart. I am so thankful for our little baby girl and so thankful for the bond that she and I already share. 

Honestly, I was upset about the timing of everything. I was excited to have a baby but upset that she couldn't come three months ago or in three months. Just so that he birth wouldn't be surrounded by all this cancer business and so that I wouldn't be trying to recover from a c-section at the same time Josh was receiving treatment. It is so hard to feel like I want to be in Salt Lake with Josh, but I want to be at home taking care of my kids, and because I have to have a c-section I can't really do either. 

I worried that because I was so frustrated about the timing of everything that some of that frustration (as bad as it sounds) would interfere with building a relationship with her. Of course, it hasn't. I just worried that it would. She is such a little angel and so sweet and tiny. I feel like we already knew each other and that her birth, in the middle of everything is a blessing and not a burden. It has felt like it is taking me a little bit longer to feel whole and well again this time, but every day is better and every day is a reminder of how blessed we are.  I may not ever understand why everything feels like it is happening all at the same time, but one thing is certain: My baby Eliza is here. She is a gift, she is a comfort to my aching heart, and a constant reminder to us of the Divine and His eternal plan.