Dear Anonymous Commenter:
Thank
you for your honesty and candor. I realize the opinions you expressed are real
and I honestly can see your point of view. You are clearly a regular reader of
this blog and so you know that I do not hold back a lot of what I am thinking
and/or feeling. Please allow me to explain my point of view with the same
candor as you shared yours. (Also be assured that this will be the last you
hear of this from me. I will not discuss this with others as I am not sure who
you are, and you are clearly someone who knows me well).
To
start, I would like to apologize to you and anyone who may share your feelings that
you feel my blog has been an attempt to seek pity, sympathy or financial help.
It has certainly not been meant to be so. I certainly do not remember having
ever posted asking for someone to send me money, to feel sorry for me or to
dwell on our family’s circumstance.
I
started my blog in 2007 as a way to share stories and pictures with family
members who are miles away and may be interested in the on-goings of our
household. As of late, (as in the last year or so) it has turned into more of
an emotional outlet where I have been able to sort through my feelings and
therefore have used it as a source of healing.
Since I am
not convinced that my initial reasoning for starting my blog even exist, I will
be changing this blog to a private status for my eyes only. I still find writing to be therapeutic and I
choose to continue to use my blog as an online journal. I realize that you know
my family and details of our circumstances and so I will not attempt to sort
through who may or may not be offended by my emotional posts. I will leave this
post for a week or so before I change the status as to give you a chance to
find and read this.
Please
be assured of these three things. (I also posted these on Facebook in case you
check that more often than Blogger):
- #1 we have repeatedly
been humbled and in awe at the way family, friends, and community have
reached out to us in the last year. It has been a humbling experience and
hasn't necessarily been easy to be on the receiving end of service and
financial support.
- #2 we've never asked for or solicited any
of the fundraising efforts. Those who have taken the initiative to
organize a fundraiser in our behalf humble us. Those who have quietly
supported us outside fundraising events humble us. We hope all those who
have done either, know that their efforts are greatly appreciated. I
understand how it may be confusing considering many blogs concerning
fundraising have been posted on the dadnamedjosh blog by one of my dearest
friends who shares the same name as I. Her profile/username happens to be
kristin and mine is joshandkristen. Our individual posts show our
profile/usernames respectively. To avoid further confusion, I will no
longer post to the dadnamedjosh blog.
- #3 to our
knowledge we haven't "done" anything to cause Josh's GBM cancer
or my Multiple Sclerosis. We have each actually been diagnosed and see
specialists at the University of Utah and Huntsman Cancer Institute.
We are not perfect and while our diseases may be punishment, I hope that
they have been given to us as a chance for us to draw closer to our
Savior.
We have not used our trials as an excuse to
use the good will of others. With the exception of my immediate family and
closest friends, I have tried to not ask for help in any respect. It is hard
enough to accept help when it is offered. It is very hard to recognize that I
cannot do it all on my own, but let me be the first to admit that I know I cannot.
Please accept
my sincere apologies for what appears to be an abuse of the good nature and
kindness of others. I recognize that we have used more than our quota of
goodwill and will keep that in mind as this time during our health trials
continues.
Sincerely,
Kristen
To anyone who may be concerned by this letter:
I am
really ok. I have had the night to sleep on this information and I realize that
it’s ok. We went to the temple last night and I was left with the peace found
there before I read the comment that led to this post. This morning, I have
found comfort in the words of a song by Laura Story called “Blessings”
“We pray for blessings. We
pray for peace; comfort for family, protection while we sleep. We pray for
healing, for prosperity. We pray for your mighty hand to ease our suffering.
All the while you hear each spoken need, yet love us way too much to give us
lesser things. What if your blessings come through raindrops? What if your
healing comes through tears? What if a thousand sleepless nights are what it
takes to know you’re near. What if trials of this life are your mercies in
disguise?... When friends betray us, when darkness seems to win we know, the
pain reminds this heart that this is not, this is not our home…. What if my greatest disappointments or the
aching of this life is the revealing of a greater thirst this world can’t
satisfy? What if trials of this life the rain, the storms, the hardest nights,
are your mercies in disguise?”
26 comments:
I can respect the fact that you need to protect you and your family from anyone who would seek to cause contention or hurt you in any way.
I feel sorry for those who chose to tear others down, because it usually comes from a place of pain and means they have no love for themselves.
Whether your journey be shared publicly or not, those who know you best will truly be blessed by your testimony.
What I don't understand-if someone doesn't like what they read here on your blog, why don't they STOP READING? This is your blog, you should be able to post whatever you want. Sorry that "someone" feels the need to snoop around in your business and then anonymously put you down or make you feel bad. :( Love you Kristen!!!
Heather C
Oh this makes me so angry, sad, confused! I am so sorry that anyone would say things to hurt you. On top of everything you and your family are going through right now, this is the last thing you needed!!! Please know that there are many, many, MANY people who love you, and draw strength from you.
Please don't ever feel like you have "overdrawn" on the goodwill of others. There is more than enough to go around, and if there isn't then that means we all need to strive harder to help others. Not that you need to stop receiving.
What you are going through is impossible to go through without the help and love and strength of others. I'm not even sure that it is possible for most of us to go through it with that help.
Please, please know that my family and I love, think, and pray for you and yours often.
I am completely saddened by the fact that someone has ruined this experience for all of us. I know that there have been many a day where I have been strengethened, humbled, and joyed in your words.
Kristen, you do not have to "publish" this comment if you don't want to, but I want you to know that I am crying right now... mostly because anyone would say those things to you, especially someone who you know is close to you. Someone that doesn't have the guts to talk things over with you unless their under the cloak of "anonymous". I hope "anonymous" reads your words, and reads all of the words of your friends and knows how many people they have hurt by their lack of love, sympathy, compassion, and most of all tact. I am also crying for myself. Your words, emotions, thoughts, and process through this trial have been a huge strength to me. Aubrey and I have often commented to each other on how well you can put thoughts into words, and how inspiring you are. And now, because of some (I will say it) bitch (sorry)... the rest of us will suffer and not be able to be lifted and helped by your words. I know how hurtful words can be... I've had some flung at me before that I'm still working to get over, and I ache for you, that you have to feel that you have lost the love and support of even one friend. Please remember all of us who love you, support you, and think that you are one freakin' amazing family. I hope you can feel the love that surrounds you... the prayers said for you daily... I hope that eventually is strong enough to push the words of hurtful people away, and you will only feel the love.
Kristen,
I know I don't comment often on here, but I really wanted to share my feelings with you today.
You continue to amaze me with the strength and grace with which you endure ALL the trials that come into your life. I don't know what else to say other than, I know it's easier for me to focus on negative comments or feedback but I really hope you don't. I hope you feel of the love of so many who really do support you and wish we could bear part of your burdens for you.
Whether or not you are able to keep your blog up and allow others to be uplifted by your faith, please know so many will miss you. Especially me.
~ Alison Dudley
I posted a comment on the other blog...but I feel I need to get something off my chest!
So....
Dear anonymous
YOU really need your ass kicked! If I knew who you were I would be very happy to knock some sense into you...you heartless peice of scum! Maybe you should try to learn a lesson in humility and while your at it. Keep your mouth shut! Nobody asked you to read this blog or any other blog for that matter...so if you don't like it find something better to do with your time. You don't have the right to tell anybody what they should or shouldn't write on their blog, especially when you more than likely have not walked in their shoes and do not physically or emotionally know what they are going through! So with that said.....Thanks for ruining a good thing for the rest of us that care and like the updates on a family that needs some extra love and support at the moment. I really hope you never have to go through what this family has because you could and would not handle it as gracefully as they have! Also Kristen was right on the money with all three of her statements, if you would open your eyes and try looking at things from a different perspective then maybe you would see how it really is! Thanks a lot whoever you are!
I am not sure who wrote the comment that
Kristen replied to, but...let me make one thing very clear... My husband and I TOOK Josh and KRisten on vacation!!! That was our way of trying to help them get their minds on something else and get away from the situation for a short time! BE Assured!!!! WE are well aware of the generosity of many in this area, and we are deeply grateful. AS for the vehicle.....Josh is trying to make sure Kristen is set with something dependable. I'm sorry if you are offended by these things... Clearly you didn't know exactly what had happened. But I will just say this in closing.... I pray that you will not ever have to experience what Josh and Kristen and their family have experienced during this past year.
Kristen-
I love you, your real friends love you, and so does your family. I have no idea what is going on, but I am proud to call you my friend. You have endured more than enough. Please know what an amazing person you are. I pray for your family.
Lindsey
You are a wonderful awesome person. I love your heartfelt posts.
I feel that in my life Satan sends along people that are making bad choices in their lives...and therefore following him-to taunt and discourage people that are being faithful to our savior like you.
So--shame on them, and good for you for recognizing the difference between people who really matter and people who are just trying to drag others down!
Kris - I absolutely love you! Your faith, your courage, your laugh (I can still hear your laugh from the times we spent together doing Sterling Scholar - your laugh is infectious!), your beautiful smile, your friendship. It all comes down to one thing - you're incredible.
I also love how, even though these comments have hurt you deeply, you didn't dig back and throw hurtful things at 'anonymous.' Most of us would, but you're above that (at least expressing it out loud - but, that's one things that husbands are good for is to let us vent and cry and be mad, and then we can calm down and think clearly.)
You're an inspiration to me and to many others, I know. I cry for you, I pray for you, and I love to read about your struggles, your triumphs and successes, and your beautiful children. Again, I wish that I could be there to physically help you, because I would in a heartbeat. Distance limits that help, but if there is ever anything you need, please call me. Again, I love you Kris.
I love you, always have, always will. Again I am humbled with how graciously you face the trials that come to you, even people with unkind things to say. Such an example of the Savior. Hang in there!
If the many grammatical errors in my above comment don't tell you how upset I was, nothing will. Good grief. I'm so embarrassed.
Unbelieveable. That's all I can say. Who on earth would ever take a shot at your family and WHY?! I'm so sorry.
All I can say is: ANONYMOUS - IF YOU DON'T WANT TO READ WHAT KRISTEN HAS TO SAY, DON'T READ IT!
For those of us who do want to gain strength and stand in awe of your faithfulness, we would like to continue to read your blog.
Much love Kristen and family,
Carissa
Kristen,
You do not owe anyone any apologies. You and your family have been through hell and you should be free to process the pain you have gone through in any way you see fit. There are a lot of people out there who want to know your story and who want to help. Nobody has to give you anything. People give because they want to. Whoever this person is in no position to judge. I am willing to bet that they think of themselves as a Christian, but could be not possibly be acting very Christlike if they are attacking someone else, especially someone who is just trying to live their life the way you do.
HUGS!
I feel the same way as all the previous people have posted! Best wishes to you and your family.
Kristen, I dont even know what to say to all this.... It is just so very sad. Please know that I love you so much and will continue to pray for you and your family. Please keep your head up, you amazing women you. LOVES
When I am having a hard day I think of you Kristen with your strong faith, beautiful spirit and contagious smile. I think of what you are going through and it makes it easier to face what I have to face. I too know that it is much easier to give than receive, but I realize when we receive we are allowing others to be blessed through their service. I cried all the way home from Colorado when we received a $500.00 check from complete strangers. (gas money for cancer patients) I wanted to be the one giving the money. I was so touched and determined to become more Christlike. Please keep writing and sharing. I am sorry that someones words hurt you. Your anonymous friend probably just lacks the understanding of the depth of your trials. Because I know you, I know he or she will be blessed by your forgiving heart. Please know that many love, respect and admire you. You are in my prayers. Someday I hope that all the pain of this life will make perfect sense.
Hi Kristen,
Julie had written a long comment then it dissapeared into the vast space - or a glitch in the internet....she was outraged that a mean spirited person would ever have the audacity to imply that you hyave in ANY WAY solicited anything in regards to your illnesses! I happen to feel the same way - I only wish that I was motivated to blog as elequently as you do. You are so expressive in your writing and, you should not allow one nameless, person to censor your voice- or deprive us...the ones who love and live for dribbles of information ond stories from your blog and facebook! We love and know that you have NEVER asked for anything during all of this- you have been nothing but grateful AND gracious in accepting what has been offered - and those that love you wish that they could do more!
Annymous....you may want to ask yourself "what would Jesus do?" before slamming your opinions into innocent and vunerable people....you need to thank God that you don't have Kristen's family challenges. And, if you do I am sorry that you are so miserable that you would want to spread your misery around.
Kristen - Josh and all...we love you!
you don't know me... i am mindy's cousin (she commented above)...
you were way more kind than i would have wanted to be in your posting to the anonymous comment.
i lost my husband a few years ago and i have used my blog ever since as an emotional outlet... and also to tell the goings on of our little family.
and let me just say... i have received my share of anonymous comments on my blog that were less than uplifting because they thought my grieving process was not up to their standards.
i have learned that those people who choose to leave an anonymous comment are pretty cowardly and don't truly want to OWN their thoughts. but i have also learned that what they say may hurt me, but i try to let it roll off my back because holding a grudge does more damage for me than for them.
you seem to have the correct attitude and turning to the Lord is the right thing to do. HE is the one who will lift us up.
i am so sorry for what you are experiencing.
in regards to your posting about your son... i just read a story in a magazine about something very similar. i will type it up and send it to mindy... i assume you are good enough friends that maybe she can email it on to you.
God speed...
Hey Kristen!!
I'm not sure what is happening, who said what or whatever... but let me say this.
You (and your family) are amazing. You are so strong and such an inspiration. It breaks my heart that "Anonymous" doesn't, Number 1, have the BALLS to come to YOU with his/her feelings instead of going public and causing even more stress and hurt. And, Number 2, that now everyone else (including me) that visits your blog for updates, information and inspiration now must suffer and not get our "Baumgarten" fix.
Ugh. What a jerk this person is.
I don't check blogs everyday, and I seldom comment but I read and LOVE your blog and I am a huge fan. I was a fan before all of the "crap" happened to your little family. I think you are an AMAZING mom! Your adventures and experiences make me laugh and cry. You have a gift, Kristen. You are such an awesome writer and the way you put your thoughts into words makes your blog so unique and fun! Please don't let this one jerk ruin it for the rest of us. Keep using your blog as a way to vent your pain and sorrows and a way to celebrate the triumphs.
My family thinks of you often... You are a rockstar! Hang in there.
love, Mandy
I just don't get it. I am so sorry you have to even think about this! Seriously?! I wish I could be there for you but it sounds like you continue to bounce back after each and every setback. Look to the light. Ignore the darkness. Since you have said that you will not discuss this with anyone I will try not to bring it up but please know that I am so sorry this happened to such great people. Love ya,
Chandra
Kristen..Some people are truly awful. Your blog is inspiring and wonderful! If you choose to go private please add me. leslieutai@gmail.com
Keep being who you are, because you are great! Leslie Lucero-Uta'i
Kristen,
I'm sorry that this 'Anonymous' commentor made you feel that you can no longer share your blog with the public. One thing I hate about the internet is that it allows people to have zero accountability for the destructive things they say. I'm sure that this person who left the comment knows nothing about your circumstance and the enormity of what you are dealing with on a daily basis. It's very cruel what they did.
I just wanted to let you know that your blog is really great and an inspiration to others who are dealing with hardships. I'm sad that I won't be able to read your posts and keep up with how your family is doing.
God bless you and your family and good luck.
Kristen, I am glad to see your blog is still here. Hope it stays that way :) I remember the story you wrote a long time ago when one of your boys was out near the mailbox with some rocks and the lady came and lectured you about not watching him closer. It made me so mad- if she would have only known.
It sounds like this was different, someone who knew, but still judged. . . incorrectly. (I tried to see if you left the comment from Anonymous, but it looks like you deleted it?) People can be lame. Mean. Cruel. Hope you know there are hundreds of others out here cheering you and your family on.
I can't believe someone could be sooo heartless! I'm so sorry!
Please know your in my prayers and I wish I had as much faith as you do. What a great example to me.
-Heavenly Father is NOT punishing you! and for that person to say so just makes my blood boil!!!!UGH!-
Hang in there-
If you decide to go private again please include me. I will miss out on your family and the spiritual boost it gives me.
-Lacy
This makes me really sad. I don't like the fact that you have to feel like you need to remotely even explain your trials. Stay strong and never mind the nonsense that comes from some one with out a heart. You are such a strong person and you have enough to deal with. I think about and pray for your family a lot.
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