Dizzying disturbance

This is going to be a shot in the dark. I am mostly writing this to see if anyone who might read this blog has ever experienced the same symptoms. I have been dizzy (I know how pathetic that sounds) for the last 12 days. I have been to the doctor three different times and have now had three different diagnoses. First was that it was due to stress, since there was no obvious onset of infection. A few days later I went back because what he had suggested wasn't working. Second, it was a Eustachian tube dysfunction: remedied with antihistamines, decongestants, expectorant and motion sickness pills. A few days later and after no relief, I went back and the third probability is vestibular neuritis. You can't actually see the vestibular nerve in an exam so you can really only treat the viral infection symptomatically. Prednisone.

Almost three days later I am not sure if it is working, although maybe it takes time to build up in your system? Not only that, but I guess the infection can last for eight weeks. EIGHT. WEEKS. Do you hear that people? This dizziness is not only annoying, but it interferes with my daily life. I get busy trying to do what needs to be done and I have to sit down just to get my bearings back and to ease the nausea. If I take something for the motion sickness I am super sleepy and worthless anyway. Needless to say, my house is a mess, I barely leave the couch (because I am dizzy even just sitting), and I feel like a pathetic. Honestly, think about it. My complaint is that I am dizzy. Really? But I am. VERY. VERY. DIZZY.
I don't even want to consider the fourth diagnosis which seems very unlikely since I don't have any of the other symptoms, and that one could get me really worked up! ;) Best not to count the chickens before they hatch, right? Just hoping someone might read this and know something!!

Suites, steaks and strawberries

A friend of mine called and said she wanted to do something for Josh and I and wondered if we would be interested in staying at her parents' bed and breakfast in town. Seriously? How awesome is that?! We stayed at the Landmark Inn Bed & Breakfast about two years ago for Valentine's Day and had a great time. I told her that we would love to and she went to a lot of work to make it nice for us. 

MiShelle made arrangements for us to say in a Honeymoon Suite and brought us a gift certificate to the Quarry Steakhouse, sparkling cider, and some treats from the Little Sweet Pea. (Thank you SO much MiShelle)

Ironically enough, that very day, Josh's uncle Steve sent us HUGE chocolate covered strawberries. They were delicious and I have been thinking about them ever since!

John McKay

That's his name. John McKay. Named after my great-grandfather, grandfather, father and brother and Josh's grandfather and father. (How often can you get 6 for 1 in a namesake?) Then, obviously, he is named after David O. McKay.

Look at his beautiful hazel eyes he got from his daddy! I love this picture. My long-time friend took this picture and is actually offering an awesome giveaway on her blog. You should check it out!

Amy Jo Photography

My pregnancy with him was a sweet surprise and since Kimball was just barely a year old when we found out, we knew they would be best friends. In fact, when we moved into this house two years ago (Wow! Has it been that long?) we asked them if they wanted their own rooms. They said they wanted to share a room because they were best brothers and buddies.

I won't bother blogging much about his "two thingers" as he affectionately calls them, but this last year my little man has proven that he is made of all the right stuff! He has stood up to bullies and taken the initiative to answer questions and just say it like it is. He was an aggressive little soccer player and can't wait to chalk up another fun spring season. Nothing gets by this little guy. Nothing. He can do ANYTHING he sets his mind to. No need for political correctness or adaptations, he will figure it out: he proves it time and again.

For his sixth birthday, he wanted a friend party. So we went to Pizza Hut and decorated with Toy Story galore. His two best friends from school came: Will and Bryant, and then his best buddies from my group of friends came: Ryanna, Quinten, Kenna, Katie and Garrett. Not to mention his brothers and Eliza too! We were sad Collin couldn't come. It was a little rambunctious and I think some of the other people in Pizza Hut were annoyed with our hoopla, but the kids had a great time and McKay still talks about his pizza party that was a whole month ago!!  He says, "Remember my pizza party last year?" I guess he is technically right since it is January now and the year has changed.

We had a smaller family party at my house with cake and ice cream where he got a Wii. It was all excitement and craziness and has been ever since. We've actually had to reign all that craziness in a bit and they only get to play the Wii when I decide they can, but I am glad they like it.

Happy Birthday you big six-year-old! We don't know what we would do with out you!

Remembering Christmas

Christmas with children is the greatest. It makes it all so magical! We were able to go with my parents on the Polar Express and the boys thought it was FABULOUS, of course. McKay even danced with Mrs. Claus and thought that meant he might be in love with her!! Silly boy. Grammy and Papa made magical memories for us and those boys that we will never forget! Thanks Mom and Dad! (Haha! Here we are in all our photogenic glory!! My camera was low and then ran out of batteries so the pictures on the train turned out even worse!)

Just before Christmas the kids all got letters from Santa, postmarked from the North Pole and everything. They loved reading what Santa had to say to them and the way Santa knew exactly what they wanted, who their friends were and even the chores they needed to get done. We've got Aunt Julie and Susie to thank for that!!!

Christmas Eve was spent at my mom's house with yummy home-made soup in bread bowls, one of my favorites! I made Chicken and Dumplings, my sister made Taco Soup, and my mom made a Tomato Tortellini Bisque and another delicious soup (Chili, maybe?) that I can't think of right now, ha!  We had a personal visit from Santa Claus and Kimball was EXTREMELY concerned that Santa be aware of the time. He kept trying to show Santa the clock on the wall and his watch on his wrist. I guess he wanted to make sure Santa had time to make all his visits!!! Lol! After Santa left, Grammy had a fun story for the kids to play a game passing gifts right and left. 

Christmas morning was fun and exciting for the kids, but poor Josh was so sick from his chemo that he spent most of the day in bed. Santa managed to bring everything the kids wanted even though a certain three-year-old boy found where Santa asked us to store some things so he could save room on his sleigh!! Ugh!  Desperate attempts were made to salvage the magic.  After all that, I think the magic will last a bit longer. We are believers!

The boys were even more excited to introduce Eliza to the excitement of Christmas! They were so cute showing her everything Santa brought her and she was excited with all their attention and enthusiasm. What good big brothers ;). 

One thing I was SO excited about having a girl for was to dress her up in fun things for Christmas, Easter and special occasions, so this picture is to document her Christmas dress that we actually got as a hand-me-down from a good friend. Perfect condition. Perfect price. Perfect dress!

Nine years with this man...

http://amyjophoto.com/

December is a big month for us. We have our anniversary on the 22nd, Christmas and then McKay's birthday on the 27th. Josh had treatment for the clinical trial on our anniversary and so we decided to make the most of it. We got a room for a couple of nights on Priceline.com and had a big night out at Red Lobster! It was really the only place that Josh said anything sounded good. He wanted lobster and lots of it! He picked out a big guy from the fresh tank at the front. Check out the size of that thing!

It was CRAZY to see it come out of the tank and then a few minutes later on a plate in front of him. Eliza enjoyed it too!!

The last nine years have been full of life. The good and the bad. What marriage hasn't? The last year has been particularly hard. Cancer affects more than health. Even when you think that something like this would just draw you closer together, sometimes the stress of the situation is more than you think you can resolve together. It makes you feel like you can and should protect the other person by holding it in, but then that usually adds more stress. Still, the strength in our marriage is stronger than ever and I love this man more than words can adequately describe. He is truly a man of courage and righteousness. His qualities are admirable. His heart is tender and his testimony strong. He sincerely wants to share his conviction of the Christ with everyone. I hear it in his prayers, in the way he talks about the young men over which he has been given stewardship, in the way he talks about those who have lost their loved ones, I hear it in the way he teaches our children and the way he gently reminds me of the plan of salvation, our covenants, and eternal perspective. I love, love, love this man.

Swinging

"Relying on God has to begin all over again every day as if nothing had yet been done..."    -C.S. Lewis 

I love C.S. Lewis. I love his rhetoric, tone, and the way the words he writes are somehow visual to me. I have (on several occasions) been taught and/or retaught the way I should be thinking, living, loving and praying by paragraphs, pages, and prose by Lewis. Today, this is it. Read it again. Does it do the same for you? Can you literally see what he says?

I can see how everyday I should be kneeling down praying as sincerely as ever for the aid and assistance I need. I can see how I should be desperately working to be worthy of the enabling power of the atonement. Every. Single. Day.

The problem with my pitiful human self is that I tend to... 

swing, 

swing, 

swing.

Forward and back.

Over and over.

Just at the very moment when I think I am getting ahead, when I am feeling like I am getting to the point where I can rest I fall backward again. At the very bottom, I have to push my feet forward-- leaving the rest of my body behind-- having faith that I am moving forward again. It gets exhausting.
It's not that I can't appreciate the sun on my face, and the gentle breeze in both directions. It's not that I don't understand that I should enjoy the ride. It just feels redundant.

I make no apologies this time. I am only going to remind anyone who might be actually reading that sometimes I just need to vent. I enjoy writing. It has proven therapeutic. I am certainly far from where I want to be and do not claim to be a mother who has it figured out and gets it all done or that I EVER feel satisfied at the end of the day. There are always things left undone. Something always has to give. As much as I want to be beautifully put together in every aspect I am not. And for the most part it's fine. I realize that part of super-human ability is not mine. I admire those for whom it is. My mind is mostly otherwise occupied anyway.


Enough with this heavy purge, I should share some things about my kids to lighten my mood (and for heaven's sake this blog).  If you're still reading... keep reading the next post. If for nothing else, you might get a giggle out of it. 

My kids are my glue

I just have to share these stories about my kids, but first-- so as to be sure you know I am not trying to "blag" (how do you feel about that-- YOU being, you know who you are!! Lol!) I must qualify:
Sometimes being a mom is really hard. It's a full time, 24/7 job that is overwhelming and frankly I always feel like I am falling short.  If I pay more attention to the kids, the laundry suffers. If I try to get housework done, I have to leave my baby crying and the boys to spend WAY too much time on their new Wii.  It always seems to be a delicate balance that I haven't been able to find.

BUT...

The best part about being a mom is the hugs and kisses and the quiet, I-love-yous and I-missed-you-at-schools. It's when I have lost my temper and a little boy wraps his arms around me anyway and tells me he's sorry and that he loves me. It's when they say things that are so funny they put a piece of me back together and I just have to share them, and at the very least just write them down. So here we go!!

Kimball: I am not sure about whether or not I shared the story about the little girl at school who he started calling his girlfriend and how he was suddenly "stumped" (dumped-- for anyone who may not be up on "Kimball-lingo"), but here's a follow-up: I was fixing his hair for school and he was being picky about how this hair fell and that. I asked him why it mattered, he told me that said ex-girlfriend liked it that way. I asked him if she was his girlfriend again and he took in a deep breath and then exhaling said, "Nope, but she likes me." It was so matter-of-fact and kinda eat-your-heart-outish. It was WAY funnier than it seems now that I am retelling it. Trust me on that. 

McKay: We went on the Polar Express just before Christmas as a gift from my parents. The kids had a blast and still talk about it even though it was a month ago. Mrs. Claus danced with McKay and he giggled and had a good time. But, when he sat back down on my mom's lap he said, "Oh, I guess I am in love now!" Ha! I think that he thinks if you dance with someone you are in love with them. He also sneezed a few times and said, "Oh, I bless-you'd" (I think that comes from saying "bless you" every time they sneeze!) He had a birthday in December, which I will eventually -maybe- get around to blogging about. He is a handsome and charismatic six-year-old who is constantly (in his own words) "girl-trapped" at school! Ha! Funny boy is so oblivious. He said, "I don't know why they are always following me when I want to play." 

Benson: Be prepared-- and if you are easily offended, just skip this part. I just have to write it down so I don't forget because I laughed my guts out.  I asked him to get ready for a bath. I proceeded to draw the water and kept encouraging him to get ready. He FINALLY came in to the bathroom in all his birthday-suit glory and pointed to his bare boy parts. He said, "Mom!!! Heavenly Father put a bouncy ball in there, see??!!"

I just smiled and nodded as I lifted him into the tub and quickly faked a cough to cover the chuckle. Later that night, Josh and I burst out as I shared the story. Oh my innocent, silly little man. 

Eliza: That baby girl is growing like a weed. Eight months old and just under 16 pounds. She is finally gaining weight compliments of table food. I tried and tried baby food. She refused. Case-in-point: One night I tried to feed her baby food before we ate dinner. I picked peaches because I figured they were sweet and I had a better chance of getting her to eat something sweet than something like peas or what-have-you. She turned her head and pursed her lips and pushed the spoon away with her little fingers. I continued to try and successfully got a spoonful in her mouth. She grimaced and spit it out as fast as it went in. Whatever. Dinner was ready. Our veggie for the night was steamed broccoli. That is what she wanted. Broccoli. Steamed and salted. She ate a lot of it. We also had lasagna for dinner. She went to town on that too. I conceded. Since then I have just fed her whatever we are having. (With the exception of foods that should be saved for a year or older.) She is trying to get up on her hands and knees and consequently scoots backwards. She can get herself turned around in whatever direction she wants to look and that is usually whichever direction gives her the best view to watch her brothers. Wonder if there is any chance she will be a girly girl?